Dowry

When I was a little girl, I used to dream of a beautiful five day wedding, with elaborate conservative South Indian rituals, traditional shehnai, mehendi, pattu (silk) saris, classic jewelry, sumptuous lunch served in plantain leaf etc. But little had I then imagined the cost that all this could incur- years of effort, lakhs of money, possible humiliation, agony and stress of parents. Growing up, I've been to a few weddings of extended families and friends where groom's family demands for more gold or other gifts in the nick of time  or insults bride's parents by criticizing the wedding arrangements and gifts etc. When I was shocked, angered and tried to retaliate in most cases, I was dismissed saying that- "such altercations are common during weddings". 

Dowry: How it all started?
In pre-colonial period, dowry was the process of giving daughter her share of parental property during the time of her marriage. This is an excellent article- "The Origin of Dowry System – British Policies convert Gifts to Bride into an instrument of oppression against women"- about how dowry- a voluntary gift giving or family property inheritance arrangement turned to a menace and cause of domestic violence, following are excerpts from the article-

"In the pre-colonial period, dowry was an institution managed by women, for women, to enable them to establish their status and have recourse in an emergency. In this ancient system of dowry, the parents of the bride, even her kith and kin, all gave wealth to her in the form of valuable gifts etc. It was just like how parents used to give a part of wealth to their sons, so did they give it to their daughters too during the daughter’s marriage. What is very important to be noted here is that, the valuables or the wealth was given to the bride, and NOT to the groom or his family. In other words, the dowry wealth continued to be owned by the wife and not by the husband or his family. This gave the required financial independence to women who would even manage the income from their agricultural land , etc."

"But the move which affected the status of the women in the Indian society was the rule imposed by the British which prohibited the women from owning any property at all! And this was what created the menace of dowry system in India."

"But once the British prohibited women from having any property rights, it meant that all the wealth that a woman got from her parents would be owned by her husband instead. And the moment, this system of husband owning the wealth of his wife was created, the traditional dowry system got converted into a menace creating an institution of greed that oppressed, victimized and suppressed women. The greed that kicked in created a system where husband and his family started looking at the incoming bride as a source of property and wealth, the male dominated society became greedy, husband and in-laws started demanding more dowry from the bride and her parents. The social harmony and the bonding created by the institution of marriage was gone. Marriage became just another business deal, where making wealth was more easy. Male child became an additional source of income, and female child became a financial burden on the family. This led to the creation of the social problems like female foeticide and an imbalance in male-female ratio in the society, which further led to more crimes on women."

"IT WAS ONLY as recently as in 2005, when the Hindu laws were amended again, now providing women equal status with men in terms of ancestral property."

For whatever reasons it all started, I fail to understand the relevance of dowry in the current times- how can educated and well-off men, the grooms, and his proud families, precisely a group of male chauvinists, forthrightly beg for alms? Ridiculously ironic! Why can't they be grateful that the bride is well-behaved, educated and capable of child care, household work and in most cases earning her livelihood?

A few months back, my friend Sravanthi advised me to watch Satyameva Jayate. I happen to watch the following episode about Indian weddings and Dowry by random choice-

http://www.satyamevjayate.in/watch-the-episodes/big-fat-indian-wedding/dreams-dashed.aspx

This is an awesome show and makes people introspect, which is the first step towards change.

Dowry: The crime

Though there are laws prohibiting dowry, it is still rampant in many parts of India like Punjab, Andhra Pradesh, Maharastra, Telangana etc. It is one of the social evils that is ruining families and causing women oppression, domestic violence, and some times even deaths. Most times, gravity of this evil is not clearly conceived and it is treated pompously as one of the wedding rituals. 

So how does dowry fit into the modern Indian wedding process- 

• Firstly, parents search for "appropriate" matches for their son/ daughter. For instance, in case of son, they search for a girl from their sub-caste who is "fair", "good looking", young (21-26), educated and preferably working.
• If the parents find someone like that, they contact the bride to be's family to know about the "other" details, like- brides family's status and their 'upper threshold' for dowry ( their highest affordable price for the precious groom?). Usually, dowry is gifted by the bride's family to the groom in the form of a wide range of assets-depending on the bride-family's threshold and groom-family's demands- cars, land, bungalows, cash, shares, gold ornaments, silver utensils, precious gem jewelry, expensive clothes, house hold appliances like TV/AC and a big lavish wedding. 
• In general cases, net value of dowry is directly proportional to the level of education and job status of the groom. It is also directly proportional to the number of bride's "negatives" (fatness, dark complexion, short height, low education, astrological defects (for e.g., manglik), etc).
• If the groom-family's expectations are matching with bride-family's threshold, then the groom comes into the story. 
• He then looks at bride's "photo" or in urban families meets her and decides whether to "proceed" or not. 
• When the decision is made to "proceed", bride's family is eager to perform the wedding asap since they do not want their daughter's engagement to break and "people" speak ill about her. They also wonder that she wouldn't get a better alliance if this is broken- unfortunately, so sure of her microscopic worth!
• Some times, (whether or not the agreed value of dowry is gifted to groom), even after the wedding, the "groom's" family harasses his new bride for gifts. This harassment in worst cases leads to domestic violence and deaths.123 

The Revolution:
The Dowry Prohibition Act, passed in India in 1961, prohibits the request, payment or acceptance of a dowry, "as consideration for the marriage", where "dowry" is defined as a gift demanded or given as a precondition for a marriage. Gifts given without a precondition are not considered dowry, and are legal. Asking or giving of dowry can be punished by an imprisonment of up to six months, or a fine of up to INR5000 (US$80, £55 or A$93). It replaced several pieces of anti-dowry legislation that had been enacted by various Indian states.[15]

Indian women's rights activists campaigned for more than 40 years to contain dowry deaths, such as the Dowry Prohibition Act 1961 and the more stringent Section 498a of IPC (enacted in 1983). Using the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005 (PWDVA) implemented in 2006, a woman can put a stop to the dowry harassment by approaching a domestic violence protection officer.

"the bride or her parents can inform the police about the dowry being demanded and make an arrangement to catch the groom or his family red handed while received dowry. Even if it is not possible for the police to arrive at the location where give-take of dowry happens, the same could be monitored by say hidden cameras provided by the legal system to the girl or her family members, which could even be monitored in real time by the police."

Other solutions:  
Abstinence-

At any point during the wedding, bride or groom or both could take their stand and say no to Dowry or to the alliance, but unfortunately, this seldom happens willingly. Most times, it is the (un)affordability of the bride's family rather than their strong will that drives their decision. Any affording family (of bride) voluntarily offers dowry in various forms, in some cases, without even being demanded by the groom or his family. Educated brides and grooms and capable of earning a livelihood, could pay for their wedding, this almost never happens in India currently, unless they are marrying against parents' consent.

Education and financial independence-
Education empowers an individual, be it woman or man. It makes them capable of making the right choices. A woman must be educated to know the laws that enable her safety, be financially independent and gain confidence to stand up for herself. Educating women is educating homes and empowering a country.


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Signing off hoping we will one day abolish this disgusting, deep rooted tradition that has been perpetuating through generations- dowry.