Benediction

During mid twenties, all my friends seem to have the same problem, love.

Gone are the days when it meant beautiful songs, happiness, togetherness, li’l fights and romances. Now it seems to have become a challenge. Convincing parents and gaining their approval for our love is like making a well programmed robot understand poetry!

Parents take their time and effort in raising their kids and offering them education that helps in shaping them up to the level where they can think clearly and discern the rights from wrongs and choose what they want; but then they choose to tell them what to do with their own life. Isn’t that ironic?

Most parents seem to know the formula for their kids’ happiness clearer than the kids themselves; the main parameters of their formula being the unreasonable division in the society called-“caste”. It suddenly becomes more important than their kid’s happiness. In most cases, this “suicidal love for their caste” is actually fear of facing the society when their son or daughter marries someone outside their caste. 

My caste is a part of my lifestyle, family rituals from birth to death and has a major influence on every important occasion in my family. I think caste is a part of Indian culture and adds another colour to the country’s rangoli of traditions, but that being the brighter side, it becomes a tormenting pain in the wrong place when taken to the following extent: In many parts of the Indian subcontinent, honor killings are predominant in recent times. I read about so many cases where in, either of the parents kills their kid who supposedly loved and wanted to marry a person from an inferior caste.

I honestly fail to comprehend the feeling of superiority or inferiority based on caste! What cr*p?!

According to Srimad Bhagavatam:

 “janmana jayate sudrah

 samskarad bhaved dvijah

veda-pathad bhaved vipro

 brahma janatiti brahmanah”,

-“By birth one is a sudra (lowest caste), by the purification process one becomes a dvija (higher caste), by study of the Vedas one becomes a vipra (knowledgeable), and one who knows Brahman (concept of Paramatma) is a brahmana.”

There are many such extractions from the 4 Vedas and Gita that illustrate that the division- caste, upon birth of a man, does not consider him to be superior or inferior. A man is a product of his thoughts and deeds and not his birth.  I am sure, most educated people are familiar with such concepts.

People in the cities could be well educated and most of the caste-lunatic honor killing cases might be registered in under-developed regions of the country, but the only difference between educated-caste-lunatics and uneducated ones is that- the uneducated ones are crude, and are not clever enough to get their way with the blasphemous kids, so they kill in rage; the educated ones are too clever, so instead of bearing that guilt and pain, they choose manipulating their kids using their political means (Sama, Dana, Bheda, Danda).

I guess this post might raise some brows and make some frown. If you are born and raised in India, you are supposed to respect elders (no matter how they are) and follow their words and doings (no matter what they preach).  According to Indian culture, parents are considered living Gods; so people who were frowning at this post, whom can one turn to when God is wrong??? This is sheer helplessness. A very important fact shrouded in blind love is that parents are also humans and if it is plainly expected to follow what is told- there will be no advancement of thought and action in the progeny. I understand there could be a generation gap in thought and difficult to understand each others’ ideologies. But they are parents, they are wise in every other way, then why should simple fears and weird notions, such as caste and fear of society, prevent them from understanding what their kids really love? I guess that’s where the phrase: “Things that one can’t do are often they don’t want to”, comes from. I don’t know why they don’t want to look beyond their fears.

A short anecdote about this…

One of my favourite persons in the world is my dad. Until I completed college, I thought his favorite word was “No”!

Me: Nanna, can I sleep over at my friend’s place and study? Dad: No. Ask her to come to our house.

Me: Nanna, can I go for school picnic? Dad: No. It is not safe!!!

Me: Nanna, can I go for a movie after my exam with friends? Dad: No. I will take you in the evening!

Me: Nanna, can I go to Nagarjuna Sagar with friends? Dad: No. It is very far!

I was brought up in a very protective, conservative and restrained manner. But when I turned 23 and he started looking out for my marriage alliances, he called me to say- “Nanna (he calls me that out of love), it is ok if you love any one- Hindu, Muslim, or even an American boy, I trust you, tell us we will do as you wish”. It was quite surprising. My dad was never a caste-lunatic. My mom was a little orthodox, but she too changed according to my dad- for my happiness. It was neither because I am great or whatever, nor because I told them to do so, but they believe that every person has right to pursue their own dreams and is responsible for their life. Recently I heard my dad say, “It will sound funny if I tell a 25 year old what to do, who has complete cognizance of his/her doings”. Now this is what I call confidence on their upbringing; they raised me and are very confident on what came out of it, thus they trust I am capable of doing what is right for me. This is called godliness. I bow in reverence and will never go against them.

I hope this serves as my benediction to all the other Gods to understand their kids and bestow them with happiness. I apologize if this post has offended anyone.